Deferential vs Courteous – What’s the difference?

One of the reasons I love living in America is that we’ve made it a point to not make any distinctions between the words “deferential” and “courteous.” If you’re American, keep doing what you’re doing! But if you’re from another country, or if for some reason you speak English as a second language—or even if it’s your first language—here’s how these two words differ:

Deferential

Deferential means “deferring” and is demonstrated by a person who respectfully yields to another’s wishes or requests. For example, if your boss asks you to stay late at work and do some extra work, you might say something like: “I would be happy to help out.” This is an example of being deferential because you are willing to do what your boss asks without complaining about it or arguing against it.

Deferential actions can include things such as giving up your seat on public transportation for someone else (as opposed to waiting until everyone else gets off), letting someone go first in line when there isn’t enough space for everyone to move forward at once, or allowing someone else with an umbrella into an elevator before yourself when it starts raining outside.

Courteous

Courteous is a word that means polite. It’s used to describe someone who is polite and respectful; for example, “The staff at this restaurant were very courteous.”

It’s also an adjective that can be used to describe the behavior of others, as in “She was always so courteous.” The difference between deferential and courteous is that deferential describes how you treat someone higher up in rank or position than yourself (e.g., an employee), whereas courteous describes how you treat people in general (e.g., customers).

Courteous is the polite way of saying “polite,” and deferential means “deferring.”

Deferential and courteous are both words that mean “polite,” but they’re not synonyms.

Deferential means “deferring,” or showing respect for someone else’s position, status, or age by treating them with courtesy. For example:

• “I’m very sorry for your loss; please accept my most humble condolences.”
• “If you need anything else right now, let me know.”

This polite way of speaking is sometimes called being deferential because you’re deferring to someone else’s wishes when making a request of them or responding to something they’ve asked you (or others) to do.

If you’re wondering which one to use, it depends on what you mean. If you want to say that someone is polite, use “courteous.” If you want someone to defer (or give way) to another person or group, then use “deferential.”